Understanding Consent

Does consent always have to be verbal?

Verbal consent is clearest and always best, especially for new partners or any escalation. Non-verbal cues can be ambiguous or misinterpreted. When in doubt, use words. Better to seem awkward momentarily than to violate someone. That said, enthusiastic non-verbal consent (active participation, reciprocal touch, positive body language) can be valid in established relationships where you know each other well. But even then, checking in verbally before escalating is best practice.

What if someone consented while drunk?

Someone who is significantly intoxicated cannot give valid consent. If there's any doubt about their ability to make decisions, the answer is no. Different people have different tolerances, but a good rule is: if they're too drunk to drive, they're too drunk to consent. Don't rely on consent given while impaired. Wait until everyone is sober to pursue any sexual interaction.

Can consent be implied in a long-term relationship?

No. Consent must be ongoing even in established relationships. Being married or dating doesn't mean automatic access to someone's body. Always check in, especially if you haven't been intimate in a while, if the context has changed, or if you're trying something new. Long-term relationships deserve ongoing consent communication, not assumptions.

What if consent was given but then withdrawn during the act?

Consent can be withdrawn at any time, for any reason, without explanation. The moment someone says stop, everything stops immediately. No negotiating, no finishing, no 'just one more minute.' Stop means stop. Withdrawal of consent is not a violation of trust—it's the exercise of bodily autonomy. Honor it immediately and without resentment.

How do I know if someone's consent is genuine or just compliance?

What if I feel pressured to say yes but don't want to?

You always have the right to say no, regardless of the situation. Pressure, guilt, or obligation are not valid reasons to consent. If you don't want to, the answer is no. You don't need to justify your no or explain yourself. 'No' is a complete sentence. If someone doesn't respect your no, they're violating your boundaries and you should remove yourself from the situation. Your body belongs to you—period.

Can children consent to sexual activity with adults?

No. Children cannot consent to sexual activity with adults under any circumstances. The power differential and developmental differences make consent impossible. This is a fundamental ethical and legal principle. Adults have complete responsibility for not engaging in sexual activity with minors, regardless of what the child says or does. There is no situation where this is acceptable.

How do I handle it if I realize I violated someone's consent in the past?

This recognition is painful but important. First, don't contact the person if they haven't asked you to—unsolicited contact can cause further harm. Process your realization with a therapist or trusted friend. Commit to never repeating the violation. Educate yourself deeply on consent. If the person reaches out, listen without defensiveness, acknowledge what happened without excuses, and support their healing. You cannot undo the past, but you can commit to doing better. Many of us violated consent before we knew better—what matters is learning and changing.

Is flirting consent?

Flirting is interest, not consent. Someone can flirt enthusiastically and still not consent to any sexual activity. Flirting, dressing attractively, being friendly, dancing with you, or even previous sexual contact—all of these indicate interest, not agreement to anything specific. Consent must be obtained for each escalation, each time. Don't assume interest equals consent to anything you want to do.